No matter what your income level may be, we have all had moments at some time or another where we have felt envious of someone else’s ability to afford more than we are able to.
Whether it’s the expensive vacations you see a friend taking, witnessing someone who is able to retire at an extremely young age, or that beautiful new home a family member just purchased.
Even when you feel secure with yourself and your own financial situation, and may not even desire some of the things you see others being able to purchase, it is completely normal to experience feelings of jealousy or envy.
The important thing is to recognize those feelings and figure out how you can deal with them in a healthy manner. Don’t allow yourself to be a hostage to envy, it is much more fulfilling to break free from it. (tweet that)
6 Ways to Deal with Money Envy:
Look beyond the “shininess”
Perhaps you catch a glimpse of someone posting a picture of their gorgeous new custom built home on Facebook. Immediate pangs of jealousy might ensue for you. Perhaps even a little self loathing and wondering why you can’t get your act together and build your own home like this. It is at these times that we sometimes fail to realize there is much more behind a picture than what meets the eye.
Perhaps this individual is up to their eyeballs in debt over this new home, or has wealthy parents that put the down payment on the house for them. While this likely isn’t always the case, it opens our eyes a bit and makes the prospect of that situation a lot less attractive, doesn’t it? Nothing is ever quite as good as it may seem, especially on social media.
Be genuinely happy for the success of others
It feels so wonderful to be genuinely happy for a friend when something good happens to them, that it almost feels like that good is happening for you too. When one of my friends gets a promotion at work, gets engaged, or announces a pregnancy, I am so thrilled for them. I feel like their happiness and success is an extension of mine, so it feels like great things are happening for me when I can celebrate and be joyful when my friends have success in life.
Reevaluate your relationships with those who put too much emphasis on material things
If you spend a lot of your time with people who are constantly talking about how much money they make, things they buy, or things they want to buy, you will eventually start comparing your life and your possessions to theirs. I’ve found that to be true in my own life. And that as I made the shift in spending more time with people who didn’t value those things as much, I found myself to be a lot more content in my own life and seeing more value in the things that actually matter.
Realize that nobody has it all
Perhaps someone has the ability to afford a huge mansion on the beach. But maybe they don’t have a significant other or any loved ones to share it with. That mansion starts to look a lot less enticing when you don’t have someone you love to enjoy it with. There’s a lot more to life than just money and the things we own. Even though it may seem like it at times, there is not a single person out there that “has it all” or leads the perfect life. There are flaws in everything, even in the lives of the wealthy.
Focus on what you can control
There will always be someone who is wealthier than you. The only thing you can do is focus on yourself and building your own wealth, if that’s what you desire. Don’t waste your time or energy being worried about the things other have that you don’t, it’s not going to get you anywhere. Take that envy you’re feeling and turn it into an opportunity to motivate yourself in your own journey to putting more money into savings, cutting out your money-wasting habits, or becoming financially independent.
Acknowledge the blessings in your own life
You have countless reasons to be grateful for the life you live. Don’t forget to count your blessings and realize how fortunate you already are. You matter in this world, and it can be easy to forget that when you allow yourself to become too focused on others’ blessings and your shortcomings.
Can you remember a time where you felt money envy? What were some healthy ways that helped you deal with it?
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This is something hubs struggles with often. He sees his coworkers (all more junior) with more “toys” than he has and bigger homes than us and he can’t figure it out. I remind him they don’t have our college loan debt and I even say things like you wrote – maybe someone left them an inheritance? Maybe creditors are calling them every night. Maybe their wife is rich!
So true, there can be a multitude of reasons.
It would be fun to have toys and a fun car (my hubby is a total car guy), but first thing’s first – gotta pay that debt down! 🙂
Great points. I agree that social media in particular can give a very skewed view of life. Even when I think about how my own life must look on social media, I see how the reality is really so different. It is important to remember that everyone has great things in their life and everyone has struggles. Trying to find happiness with where you are is the best solution.
Thanks Ali! I feel the same way. Everyone does have their struggles!
I have definitely experienced envy before, and I think these are all great points. It can be all too easy to focus on what you don’t have instead of what you do!
Definitely Jennifer! Focus on the good 🙂
When I was still in school working on my doctorate all my friends were into their careers making good money and I was just racking up student loan debt. I just tried to remind myself that this was temporary and only one aspect of my life. Fast forward just a couple years later and I wouldn’t trade places with anybody.
Great perspective, thanks for sharing!!
I am so happy I stumbled upon your blog the other day. You are so inspiring. this is something that everyone struggles with, myself included, and I can so relate to this post. Thank you for these wonderful words of wisdom!
Thank you so much Samara! That means a lot to me, I’m glad this resonated with you 🙂
I have had money envy when on FB before. I’m always shocked how many friends are purchasing huge homes, jetting all over on vacations, and buying new cars. I will just start to beat myself up about what am I doing wrong, why can’t I have these things, etc. It’s really not productive! At the end of the day, I am where I need to be though and shouldn’t complain!
Agreed Kristin! Nothing productive can come out of beating yourself up like that.
I think everyone has experienced financial envy at one point or another. These are great steps to avoid going to “that place”. I think the biggest thing to remember is that everyone is on their own journey. No matter how glamorous or grim things may look on the outside, everybody has positives and negatives in their life. It’s about being grateful and truly content in your own life that will allow you to be happy for others.
Thanks Dane! Great words of wisdom, everyone is indeed on their own journey and you can’t compare yours to someone else’s.
I’m super curious and try to figure out how people do the things they do (which is why I started the series, ‘How Do They Do That’). It is very enlightening when you go behind the scenes and see the give and take. It’s also amazing how many families receive help from parents. It’s awesome their parents are able to help!
I love your series Jayleen! I think it paints a much more real picture than what we would typically see from just the outside looking in. I’ve been loving a peek into how others “do that” 🙂
Money envy me ~ never! I think it is just human nature when you are working hard that you feel you should be able to have anything you want. I think you made a great point that if you hang with people that are all about material things…you fall into that trap. When my daughter started private school ~ I told her I had no problem with paying for education but she needed to realize that we were not going to be getting the family suburban to fit in with everyone else. I am at the part of my life where I live frugal and I absolutely love it! My children are raised and without school payments, activities, dental/doctors bills and all the miscellaneous…I actually have money that can be saved!
So true Lisa! I struggle with the “I deserve this because I work hard” mentality quite a bit. It was a lot worse a few years ago before I was self-employed, but I still do struggle with it every once in awhile.
That’s great that you have been upfront with your children about what they can expect as far as finances go. And even better that you are at a point where you are actively saving – that’s wonderful!
These are great tips! My husband has always put a lot of emphasis on material things (he thinks you need things to show that you are successful). And it has effected me since we started dating…I’ve had to set us both straight several times. But family and health will always be the most important things to me. 🙂
It sounds like you both probably balance each other out quite nicely then 🙂 Your priorities align right up with mine!
This is a great post and I’ve definitely had money envy before!! I try to do what you said and just be happy for them, tho! We’re all in different situations and if anything, seeing other people that are more successful than me is just encouraging and inspiring!
Great post – love how encouraging your posts always are 🙂
Aw thanks Sarah! Agreed, I try my best to just be motivated and inspired by the success of others. It really is a great catalyst for my own endeavors and hustle!
I definitely have been there before! I think what helps me the most is really defining and living what is important to me. Now that I have written down and have said out loud that travelling with my kids and retiring young are super important I now feel like its ok that I don’t have a shiny iPhone. I don’t even want one, but being able to say what I do want (and can have) makes it all kind of balance out in my head 🙂
I’m the same way, Elise! Having a goal written down is really motivating to me, and helps me to prioritize everything else to try to make sure it happens. That’s great that you’ve gotten to that point where you can put your goals above all else 🙂
Excellent tips! I think it’s important to remember that the grass isn’t always greener, and if people seem to judge based on what material possessions you own, they are really just showing their own insecurities.
Thanks Bethany! So true, great advice!
I think this post was written for me. I can’t help but envy people who have a large amount in the bank or who have a large amount of investments. It’s simply hard for me to be happy for them because I envy their situation and wish I had X amount of investments, no debt, etc. But I think this is one of the best things people can do -> “Reevaluate your relationships with those who put too much emphasis on material things.” Sometimes we are forced to be in those relationships because of work situations, but I think it’s important to not build too deep of a relationship with someone who is overly focused on material things.
Absolutely DC! It’s tough for me too, especially when I hear that someone is planning on retiring at 30. I always think about how that age is really only a few years away for me and I’m nowhere near retiring. Just really starting to save for it, actually! It leaves me wondering why I wasn’t able to pull that off..but then I come back down to reality and realize that I don’t ever really want to retire, and it’s more important to me to be able to work part-time now and spend these precious years with my daughter. All about perspective!
I’ve definitely had moments when I envied people who were debt free, made more money than me etc. but it makes me feel a lot better to simply be happy for them. I know my time will come and I want to enjoy this part of the journey as much as I can. If anything try to let people inspire me to do better and I practice delayed gratification a lot so it helps me stay for focused on my life and my end goals instead of what someone else is doing.
Agreed chonce, I feel a lot better when I decide to just be happy for them too. Bitterness is so ugly on me. That’s great that you have some strategies that really help you deal!
Money envy is a huge shortcoming for me, but I am grateful for where we are now and how we are making life changes for the better. I am trying really hard not to focus on other people’s lifestyles and just embrace who I am and what makes me happy.
That’s wonderful Kristi!
House Hunters does that to me! In my daily life I don’t think about granite countertops and stainless steel appliances, etc, but as soon as I watch that show, I feel like I don’t only want them, but I NEED them! It’s ridiculous. It takes about 30 minutes to snap out of it. Then I’m okay again with my wood countertops and white appliances. They’re new and pretty. I have to stop watching that show!
Glad to see you back Kathy 🙂 Oh House Hunters…that show does it to me too. I feel like renovating our entire house after watching it. I still like dreaming through it a bit though, it’s fun to see all the different ideas they come up with for layouts, etc.
It was tough for us for awhile when I was on disability and my husband was unemployed. Meanwhile, some friends were in a decently nice home (they were smart enough to get a more affordable place that needed some updating), a Wii (back when those were novel) and were pregnant with their first kid — and she was able to quit her job.
I was happy for them, but it was still hard to watch. In the meantime, we were paying off student loan and medical debt on less than $37,000 a year. I actually had to leave the party early because I just got so sad.
I just had to keep reminding myself that they were lucky enough to be healthy, and both went into lucrative fields. We had bad luck, but there was nothing to be done about it except to keep on our present path and hope things improved.
We still have bad medical luck, but I was able to find a job working from home that allowed us to buy a place here in Phoenix, where homes are more affordable, so that my in-laws wouldn’t be homeless.
Like you said, you have to remember that everyone’s situation is different. That person with a beautiful house may have a loving family and not be in debt or have needed help with the down payment. They may just be smart with money and have good luck in things like health.
But there’s nothing to be done about it. So work on being happy for the person because envy isn’t good for the soul or, I’d imagine, your body.
I commend you for keeping such a positive attitude with all that you’ve been through Abigail! Keep on keeping on with your chin held up, you’ve been doing a wonderful job so far and are an inspiration!
Ahh, mine is definitely envy when I hear of others retiring early with huge retirement accounts.. Sigh…
Me too, Robin. Even though I have no desire to retire entirely, the option would definitely be nice!
I felt a real pang of envy once when my sister told me about the ski trip that she, her husband, and their 3 daughters were going to take. I handled it by realizing that I wanted what she had – the financial freedom to do wonderful things with her family – and by working on both sides of that equation. For one thing, it made me more motivated to get our finances in better health. A second thing it did was to motivate me to find wonderful things to do with my family that don’t cost much.
That’s great that you turned your feeling of envy into something productive and motivating for you Ruth!
This is great advice! It’s too easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others; sometimes we need reminders like this to get us refocused on what’s truly important.
Thanks!! Absolutely 🙂
Thank you for this post. What you said really resonated with me. Sometimes I can get frustrated with how hard I’ve worked, (over 8 years in post college training), and how I’m struggling to pay off credit card debt and student loans, while I see other people my age taking vacations, seeing the world, and while I just get by paycheck to paycheck. But I have so much to be happy about and need a reminder to be content with what I have.
You’re doing great, please keep writing!
xo, michelle @ dritgirl.com
Aw yes, that is so true Michelle! Sometimes a gentle reminder is all we need when it comes to pretty much anything in life. I’m so glad you enjoyed this, thank you for the sweet words 🙂
I think the company you keep is definitely a huge factor. I am pretty good at finding contentment with what I have, where I live, etc. but when I’m among people who are all talking about the vacations they have planned, the additions they’re building onto their houses, or the small fortunes they’re spending on various events and activities, those feeling of inadequacy start to creep in. It’s so easy to get trapped in a “bubble” and lose perspective. When that happens I just take some time to regroup, count my blessings, and think about how very fortunate I am compared to so many others in this world. It always helps me to focus on what I have to give instead of what I lack.
Absolutely Alyssa! I can start to feel envious of vacations in particular, since I feel like that’s the one thing you can spend your money on that truly enriches your life. I completely agree with you in dealing with those feelings though, perspective makes such a difference!!
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