Last week I had an especially daunting week as a Mom. I had a few days that felt extremely painful to just get through, much less be the usual fun and fully present Mom and Wife that I typically strive to be.
I felt really disengaged from my daughter and was in a funk that I just couldn’t seem to snap out of. l felt so guilty that I wasn’t being the best Mom I could be.
When I thought about it, I realized that I haven’t had a lot of ‘me time’ lately to just be with my own thoughts or spend time on my passions outside of being a Mom.
My sweet hubby offers all the time to be on Little Miss duty so I can get a break and either get out of the house by myself or have some relaxation time at home, but I rarely ever take him up on it.
Sometimes I almost feel like I shouldn’t be allowed breaks. I chose to be a work-from-home Mom and be fully entrenched in the chaos that our days typically are, so most of the time I feel like I just need to own it, suck it up, and put my big girl pants on and deal with it.
But you know what? That attitude is clearly having a poor effect on me not only as a Mom, but in my life overall. When I don’t make time for myself, I feel drained and completely depleted, with nothing left of myself to give my baby girl.
She deserves me being the best Mom I can possibly be to her, and it’s not fair to her (or me) to be any less than that.
In order to do that, I’ve realized that I need to embrace the concept of making time for myself.
It is no coincidence that I decided to order a copy of Jessica Turner’s fantastic book The Fringe Hours last week (thank you Amazon Prime – two day shipping is my lifesaver!). I had heard quite a few good reviews from others who had read it and I thought that I needed to read it too after the past week I’ve had.
Jessica asks, “Ever get to the end of the day and realize you did nothing for you?” Umm yes! Are you reading my mind?!
I completely devoured the book this past weekend and I just have to say, it might be one of my favorite books I’ve ever read. The timing couldn’t have been better for me, I just felt like this book really spoke to me and how overwhelmed and depleted I’ve been feeling lately.
This book encourages you to take back the fringe hours – those little pockets of time you already have in your day – in order to make time for your passions and practice self-care.
Important lessons I learned from The Fringe Hours:
- Being everything for everyone is not sustainable.
- Self-care should be considered a necessity, not a privilege like I’ve been allowing it to be.
- I felt compelled to drop the guilt I tend to feel when I take time for myself to do whatever I please. Too often I feel as though I should be filling that time with work, housework, or any of the other responsibilities that I have under my belt.
The chapter about embracing help was one that especially spoke to me.
I have been juggling too much on my plate for far too long and have been playing around with the idea of getting some extra help, perhaps in the form of part-time daycare for Little Miss (so I can get my work done during that time) and a cleaning service once a month or so.
While I’m not sure when I will be able to bring this help on board, I felt like I was getting a permission slip and being told that it’s okay to ask for or hire help when you need it.
Embracing help doesn’t mean that I’m weak or incapable, it means that I’m thinking smarter and more strategically about how my time is spent.
What I loved about The Fringe Hours:
- There are various sections throughout the book that allow you some space to work through the tips being given and figure out how to best apply them to your own life. It’s like having a little workbook built into the book, and I really enjoyed filling it out as I went. It allowed me to immediately apply the advice being given to my own life.
- There were plenty of ideas for ways to not only create more time for myself, but to make the most of that time as well.
The importance of making time for yourself
I think I really learned a great lesson this past week that taking care of yourself is one of the most important gifts you can give your children and anyone else who is special in your life.
‘Me time’ is so important for not only Mamas, but for everyone. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all that tasks that accompany our day-to-day lives.
Having that precious and important time to yourself helps you to recharge your batteries so that you do have something to give back to your loved ones at the end of the day.
I’ve discovered that being a Mom can be compared to being the gas tank in your car. If you give, give, give without replenishing your own energy stores, you’re going to find yourself run down and crazed on the side of the road 😉 .
I’m giving you permission to start making time for yourself – and most importantly, not feel one ounce of guilt for doing so!
If you have been struggling to juggle everything on your plate lately and feeling like you need some inspiration and encouragement to make a big change in your life and reclaim your time as your own, I definitely encourage you to read The Fringe Hours.
It’s been a very eye-opening source of inspiration for me to make drastic changes in my own life, and I’m so grateful for it!
Do you already make great use of your fringe hours, or are you like me, realizing that you need to make a drastic change and start making more time for yourself to pursue your passions and practice self-care?
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I have a lot of friends who do constant spa days and get mani-pedis all the time. They also go to the movies alone and do all kinds of things while leaving their kids at home with their father. I’m jealous! I wish I could do that, but it always eats away at me. When I’m home (as in, not traveling), I feel like I should actually be home! Maybe one day I will get better at it. I do go running by myself sometimes.
The movies….alone?! I don’t know if I’ll ever get to quite that level of alone time either, but I really would love to spend more of my alone time working on my blog and other passions that I have 🙂 Maybe I’m a workaholic in that sense that my ‘me time’ is typically of a productive nature. Sounds like you’re the same way!
Yes again, another great posts Christina! So much truth in every word 🙂
Aw thank you Samara!
Hi Christina!
Great post – and I can totally relate! I’ve never heard of that book but am going to have to pick up a copy 🙂
I definitely recommend going the PT daycare route! Even if you just do a few hours a couple of times per week, you’ll feel SO rejuvenated. Plus…Little Miss will end up LOVING playing with other babies, getting to play with new toys and experiencing new things. It really is a win-win situation!
Thanks so much Sarah! 🙂 This book was seriously amazing at changing my mindset, I really recommend it!
You are so right, I think it would be great all around. Eventually we are definitely going to pull the trigger on it, I’m going to wait until she’s 15 months so we can put her straight into the toddler room instead of going to infant and then having to transition into toddler right after. I’m getting excited about her having more fun and little friends though!
I think embracing help is a great concept for everyone. Most of the time it will make you a more productive and efficient person.
Absolutely, and a more sane person too! 🙂
I will definitely have to check out that book! I have the hardest time allowing myself to take breaks or do anything for myself as well. We are visiting family this week, and I was able to leave the kids with my parents so I could go get a hair cut. Those few hours of alone time are so essential to preserving your sanity!
That’s so great that you were able to get some time for yourself Kristi! Even if it was just a simple haircut, it’s the little things like that that really make a big difference!
I think the book sounds like a “must read” for me. I am telling you as a mother of a 26 & 22 year old that a little day care for your little miss will not hurt her at all. You need to do what is best for you so that you can give your best to her and your husband. I will say that as a mother, we are not programed to put ourselves first so this will be a lesson that will be learned over and over again 🙂
It really is wonderful, Lisa! I appreciate the encouragement, especially coming from a much more experienced Mama! 🙂 I’m sure I will have to learn this lesson over and over….and over again!
I read yours and some of the other ladies’ blogs and I just seriously don’t know how y’all do it. I would never have been able to juggle everything the way you do. Working at home WITH a baby? Um, what? That’s amazing! When I was home with my little Mister, my “me” time was “All My Children” and “Oprah”. You ladies are dynamos!
Sometimes I don’t quite know how either Kay, lol! Blogging has become such an oasis for me though, it really helps to have some ‘me time’ that I really enjoy, but feel productive while writing at the same time.
Yes Yes Yes, this book sounds like a must read for me. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in life and neglect yourself. I also feel guilty when I need “Me” time, I skip it, regret it, and end up taking it out on other things and people instead of just saying I need a break! Your husband sounds so supportive maybe it’s time you take him up on his offer for ‘Little Miss duty’ 🙂
It really is so easy to let self-care slip right on by, Mary! You are very right, I end up taking it out on the people around me too when I skip it. Haha I am going to!! 🙂
I definitely need to work on making time for myself. I believe that since everyone around me expects so much from me I prioritize everything else, making myself last. I agree with the quote you mentioned that you just have to make time instead of looking for where the time has gone.
Absolutely Chonce! I feel so much better when I make myself a priority too. You deserve to indulge in some self-care!
100% yes! Although I hate to put a burden on my husband (after all he’s had a long day too), I find that I absolutely need some time to rest, and this also helps me to remember my top priority. Even a few minutes for prayer and a little bit of time for exercise seems to pay huge dividends for my marriage and my relationship with my son.
Agreed Hannah! I have a hard time with that too since I know my hubby has worked hard all day too but as he always says “happy wife, happy life”….so I am finally starting to indulge in that mindset a little bit now 😉
I’ve wondered if you’d be able to keep up the pace. As babies get older, they don’t sleep as much and they are into everything! Your blog was growing, possibly your business. But so was Lil Miss.
I’m finally getting to “stay home” but I knew I’d have to utilize a little bit of daycare – at least for a while. There’s nothing wrong with that; there’s actually pluses to having some sort of care arrangement. I’m glad you read this book and I’m hoping you find the balance you need to be your best at everything!
SO TRUE Kirsten…I thought it would get easier as she got older…boy, was I wrong!
Great post – another one I will need to read again once Allie is here. I’m constantly telling my clients that they need more self-care, especially if you are a mother who works from home. It will make you a better, mother, wife, and person. Even if it’s just 20 minutes a day – take some time for you. I’m thinking running will probably be “me” time once Allie gets here.
Don’t worry, I’ll be there to remind you 🙂 Running would be a great use of some time to yourself!
Great post. Like you, when things get tough, I tell myself to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. I, too, am really bad at accepting help when it’s offered–mostly because I feel like “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.” Haha. I’m getting better at accepting help, though. It’s always fine in the end!
Oh Chela, me too. I’m a perfectionist and it kills me everytime. Working on it though!!
Sounds like a great book. I heard the author of “How Does She Do It?” on Stacking Benjamins podcast recently and she talked about tracking your time in a spreadsheet in Excel. I am seriously considering doing that just to see exactly how much time I spend on certain activities. It may be eye-opening!
That’s funny you mention that DC, I have been seeing quite a few people recommend that practice lately and I think I might do that as well. I think it would be mind blowing to see how much time I spend on things like blogging or even just tasks around the house, and it might be helpful to assess my time and see how I can become more efficient as a result!