Up until a few years ago, I thought that being busy was a true sign you had “made it” in life. Why surely a calendar filled to the brim with commitments was a sign of success, wasn’t it?
Wrong. So very wrong. There are many dangers that can come from the desire to be busy all of the time. I should know, as I learned firsthand and am still in that learning process of what the right amount of busy is for me in my own life.
I’m sharing what I’ve personally learned to be the dangers that can come from busyness and having a cluttered, out of control schedule.
The Four Dangers of Busyness:
1. When you say “yes” to everything, you are saying “no” to what matters most
When you say “yes” to plans that you are less than excited about, not only are you stuck with a commitment to something you really don’t want to do, but you are losing out on an opportunity for something that you would love to spend your time on.
Make sure you make time for the important things – for me, something very precious in this season of my life is lazy Sunday afternoons with my little family. It sounds so simple, but having some uninterrupted quality time with my Husband and Daughter is something I look forward to all week long.
I go so far as to actually put this time in my calendar to ensure I don’t make any other plans during that time. This strategy has worked well for me, and I highly suggest it! It’s easier to say “no” to other plans when you’ve already allocated that time in your calendar for your top priority.
2. Not enough time to pursue our passions
We have such limited time in our lives that we should be spending as much of it as we can on doing the things we really want to do. If we spend much of our time and energy on every little opportunity that comes our way, it makes it impossible to carve out the time necessary to pursue our true passions. There are simply not enough hours in the day.
When we fill our calendars to the brim with plans and commitments of all sorts, we can forget to spend time on what we enjoy most. Our passions shouldn’t be an afterthought that we try to stick somewhere into our schedule; our schedule should in fact be planned so that these activities remain a priority in the way we plan our time.
3. We mistake being busy for being successful
These days, busyness seems to be worn like a badge of honor. Ask almost anyone how they are doing and they will proudly tell you, “I’m busy, so very busy”. I can absolutely be guilty of this too!
Let’s stop glorifying busy schedules. Leading a life with a schedule full of commitments that make us appear to be important or successful, but don’t make us feel fulfilled, makes it extremely difficult to live a happy life.
Happiness is what’s important, a jam packed schedule is most certainly not. Don’t be afraid to have empty chunks of time on your calendar, or feel as though you aren’t making the most of your time because your day isn’t packed with activities from sunrise to sundown. Having downtime doesn’t mean you are lazy. It’s important to have some unscheduled time to be able to reflect and unwind a bit. Stop being busy for the sake of being busy!
4. We allocate our time to commitments that will satisfy others
Allocating our time to things not important to us because we only want to satisfy others is so easy to do. I used to be an innate people pleaser. Then I realized that as hard as you may try, you cannot please 100% of people 100% of the the time. It’s impossible. Someone will always disapprove of your actions for some reason or other.
Reclaim your time as your own. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t completely excited about doing. Life is too short to try to meet the expectations of others instead of living for yourself. Perhaps that is perceived as selfishness, but if we aren’t going to be the guardians of our time and energy, then it becomes too easy to just give it up freely.
Of course this doesn’t mean you should lose your manners or stop trying to be a good person, but it does mean to be true to yourself and your desires first, and that those who care about you the most will accept the ways in which you choose to spend your time.
Have you found yourself caught in the trap of busyness? If so, what strategies have you used to stop the vicious cycle that busyness can become?
I have definitely been guilty of thinking I was successful by being busy. It was mostly related to my calendar at work. I thought I was important by having meetings and places to be – easy trap to fall in when you’re just a couple years out of school. But since we moved to Oklahoma, away from family and friends, we are spending much more time together as a family. My parents hate the fact that we don’t see them as often, but I can tell you that we have a stronger marriage and family life because we’ve stopped giving our time away to pursuits that don’t bring us happiness.
It’s such an easy trap to fall into! I’m so glad to hear you are now spending your time the way you want to 🙂
This is a great post!! I definitely used to believe that being busy meant success. Since we moved from AZ to NC and I don’t have many friends, I am probably the complete opposite of busy (at least my social calendar is, haha). I miss my friends and family back in AZ terribly, but I will say…not having any commitments has allowed me to start a blog, grow my freelance income and be with my little family all the time. I love it! I’m pursuing what I want to now because my social calendar has vanished (which isn’t necessarily a good thing lol…I need some balance!!).
Thanks Sarah! Hah, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing for the time being. Especially if the extra time has allowed you to pursue the things you really want to be doing, I’d say that’s a smashing success! Now that you have your work and family goals set up, maybe now you can branch out and make the time to find some new friends in your area 🙂
I’m so done feeling guilty about wanting to spend my time the way I want to, instead of the way other people wanted me to. Amazingly, people like that are seldom as generous with their own time. This post should be framed, gift wrapped, and given to women everywhere. We are so conditioned to be doormats.
Right?! It gets old so quickly. Very true, I never thought about it that way. Most of the “time demand-ers” do not give their time as generously as they request it of others. Thank you for such kind words Kay, I felt very strongly about this post while writing it and it makes me feel good that it resonated with you as well!
“We have such limited time in our lives that we should be spending as much of it as we can on doing the things we really want to do.”
THIS. I hate working full time, because, as you said, there are simply not enough hours in the day. By the time I get home from work, I have no energy to do the things I need to do, let alone the things I want to do. When I have a substantial amount in my savings, I plan to quit my job, so I can focus on the important things in life. 🙂
I hear you Meredith! I felt that way too before I started doing freelance work. That’s so great that you have a plan in place to make your dream happen 🙂
I can totally relate. I’m so sick of hearing myself and others say “I’m so busy” it kind of says “I don’t have time for anything but myself.” Great thought provoking writing!
I hope you will come back and check out my blog, I have a new name!
http://www.gracefuldwellings.wordpress.com
Thank you Kelly!
Very nice, I will have to check it out 🙂 Loving the new name!
This is so true, especially #2 and #4. If there’s such a thing as being too busy, that’s where I’m at right now and it’s hard to get out of that mold. Whenever I finish one big task that takes up a lot of my time I always find something else to take on so the cycle never ends. Right now I’m trying to learn how to work smart vs. working super hard. I will still work hard and have lots to do, but I’m no longer a fan of being busy 24/7
Agreed Chonce! I’m in the throws of figuring out how to work smart as well. It’s hard to prioritize when everything seems to be shouting, “I’m important!”.
Your comments are very perceptive. Thank you for pointing out that being busy is not the same thing as success! That’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way over the years.
Thank you Emily!
I too have found myself in the ‘busyness’ mode. For me the results was exhaustion that bordered on being life threatening. I had to learn to say no and carve out time for me.
As woman we often put the needs of others before our own. Now i tend to be very vocal about this so much i wrote an impassioned blog on this called, ‘What’s Your Drama?’.
Christina, thanks for the reminder and tips. I very much enjoyed your thoughts.
So true Gina, it’s very important to carve out time for ourselves! Thanks for sharing, I’m looking forward to reading your blog as well!
I’m so glad I read this. I too ashtrays felt like I had to have a packed schedule. I’m working on keeping it simpler this season. The summer has been pretty low-key & I’ve found an activity where both kids can be at the same place!
All this busyness has left my house a wreck & me longing for some time to scrapbook,etc. I’m going to try to spend more time with my new hobby-urban farming. We recently got chickens & it’s quite interesting.
That’s so great that you found an activity that both your kids can enjoy at the same time Shelley! Good for you for setting aside some intentional time on your new hobby 🙂 That is so fascinating, our town made it legal for chicken coops last year and we have our first neighbor who is building one right now. I think that’s so neat! Does raising chickens involve a big learning curve?
I really appreciate your perspective on this, Christina. I am definitely guilty of all of these at time, especially #3! It’s so easy to want to fill up every little bit of my day with things, when really, I probably need a rest, some time to recharge!
I am continually reminding myself that being busy doesn’t mean that I’m more productive or more successful than the next person, and it won’t make me happy! Thanks for the good reminders.